“Life has no meaning. Each of us has meaning and we bring it to life. It is a waste to be asking the question when you are the answer,” said Joseph Campbell. Interesting, and thought provoking, isn’t it? I’ve been soul searching and confused and maybe it’s just the full moon, but something in my head (and heart) seems not quite right. I’m agitated and anxious. I feel overwhelmed. I feel like I’ve bitten off more than I can chew and I kind of just want to go hide somewhere under a rock. Or not get out of bed. But I do, every day. This is just a random feeling that’s come yesterday or day before. I feel like sometimes not only do people take me for granted, but they also take advantage of my kindness and the nice things I do and then have expectations of me. So when I’m just being nice because I feel like, they expect me to go one step further and expect me to be NICER than that and do even more.
I sometimes feel like I’m losing myself, the essence of who I am, or was. I didn’t stand up for who I was, or the things I wanted or didn’t want. I let people I cared for trample all over my dreams and wants. Now they’re happy, and I pretend to be, till suddenly, the curtain lifts sometimes, and I see that maybe I’m not. When things fall apart, and I remember all the ways I’ve been wronged. Or have wronged myself. How I let other people dictate my life. How I gave in for stupid reasons. It makes me hate myself. Hoping this is just the moon talking and that once I land in the US (30 days away!!) all this unnecessary stress and anxiety will melt away. Rawr.
“Anxiety is love’s greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic.” And that quote is reason enough for me to want to change and stop being such a stressball all the time. No one will love me, I’ll drive everyone away, and I’ll be left to fend for myself.
Enjoy the quotes, and happy Wednesday! :)