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zZzzZzzZZz…

Blessed are those who sleep soundly. Seriously. I haven’t been having the best time sleeping of late. M and myself have very different sleeping likes and dislikes. In fact, we’re completely opposite in what we want or don’t want when we get into bed. Perhaps the only similarity is that we want each other ;) He likes to sleep with the windows open, the curtains (sheers, and blackout blinds) wide open, fresh air ventilating the room, natural light streaming in and waking him up in the morning and the fan on almost full speed with a light blanket covering him. I, on the other hand, like to sleep snuggled amidst oodles of fluffy blanket, in a room freezing from the aircon at 22 degrees, with the sheers, blackout blinds AND curtains drawn so not a speck of light comes in, windows shut tight, of course, and pitch darkness – regardless of what time of day it may be! So you see my problem? And recently I’ve been on antibiotics and pain killers which I think are causing me to wake up kinda sweaty and gross in the middle of the morning – just as the sun comes up – as if a fever is breaking, and feeling SO SO hot! and then the fan, on full speed, drying up that fine layer of wetness on my skin causes me to get the chills. 

Such a conundrum. 

Now I feel underslept, overtired, lethargic and fatigued. And I’m even exercising with a rigorous cardio workout three times a week plus walking – rawr!

Addicted

My latest addictions are candy crush – i tried and tried and TRIED to resist, but my sneaky husband (sounds so weird saying that) keeps hiding from me and playing so I decided to see for myself what the fuss is all about, and lo and behold – i’m on level 37! A close second, for when the lives run out… ruzzle! i LOVE it. Words With Friends & Scramble are no longer fun. Or they’ve gone out of fashion? I’m not sure. If you’re Ruzzle players, add me: sherkhanum :)

Holding Back

Filtering. When does one know what is or isn’t appropriate to say to someone? Is it our in-built moral compass or does our rationality and mood/emotional state also determine what we say or don’t say to someone? When is it important to share how we feel and when should we just take deep breaths and learn to let go?

I’m struggling right now. There’s so much on my mind; it keeps me up at night. Sometimes the feelings bubbling within me seem like they’re going to cause me to explode (or implode?). If I don’t find an outlet I usually end up saying something I later regret. But if I love and trust someone, shouldn’t I be able to say to them what’s on my mind without the fear of a backlash? It’s that fear, that holds me back. What consequences will my sharing have? Can they handle my thoughts/requests? Mostly my sharing just makes people mad and so I stay quiet. Instead I blog. I guess a one-way conversation with a room full of strangers has to be enough for now!

Sometimes

So you can plan till your dying day about how you want things to turn out. You can plan the day, the night, your outfit and even conversations in your head – little things really, at least when compared to bigger things like planning your future. The guy you’ll marry, the kids you’ll bring up, the career you’ll settle into – that too, if you live to see another day, month, year. Such uncertainty there is in life.

Still, sight unseen, we plan. When, God willing, we settle down into our grown up life, we imagine and expect certain things. We make decisions that impact our whole life based on minute bits of information we collect over the course of our relationship with the universe. We slip up, we fall down, we have good days and bad. We laugh, we cry, we hurt people and we’re hurt. We find ourselves let down and disappointed more often than not, because things didn’t go according to plan. The one turned out not to be who he/she was supposed to be. The dream university where you were supposed to earn your masters degree didn’t want you. The friend you thought would be around forever has replaced you. Your parent who were always your rock are crumbling. And when you look around you you see… the picture you’d painted for yourself isn’t how it was supposed to be. You don’t recognise the scenes playing out – they weren’t part of the script… you feel lost.

When I feel lost I want to run. Like the wind – never looking back. All around me things are falling apart. I feel enveloped by negativity, stress and tension. The air is thick with it. I want to leave a note to all those who may take notice when I’m gone that I’m moving on to greener pasture. Somewhere more positive. Somewhere people don’t expect anything from one another and where I can do the same and just live. All I want is to be happy. In today’s world sometime that seems like too much to ask for. It’s too bad, I guess. We could all do with happier people.

Days of my life

“age is but a number” they say. they being no one specific. I may be only twenty six (I say only but to some that may be old!) but I’ve never found the need to hide my age. I’ve never wanted to portray myself as older or younger.

in these 26 years I’ve come to realise that maktub; it is written. nothing will happen before it’s time. whether you fall in love at first sight, be it a high school crush or someone you gradually come to know in adulthood, it won’t progress to anything further or feel right till it is. you may have decided that he’s the one after a few dates, but it may be years before everything works out. you may not get the wedding you want – but maybe its not the only one you’ll have. when you look back it makes sense. I had planned my life so differently from how it’s turning out, sometimes I barely recognise myself and my choices. it worked well up until university, my plan, but as I re read the draft of what my life was supposed to be I find that it has been edited drastically.

I should have had my MBA by now. I wanted to be married at 27, no sooner, and have one, if not two kids by 30. I envisioned a life full of love and laughter. a home with a solid foundation, strong relationships, many happy children and lots of pets! the soundtrack to my life was supposed to be something cheesy by colbie callait: lucky or bubbly perhaps. i’d be a yummy mummy and a perfect wife. i’d have my own brand and label of course and be an entrepreneur with an exemplary social enterprise. those were my dreams and fantasies and I think a lot of it can still happen with the right people in my life and the right attitude. I may not get everything I want when I wanted it but I can work with what life throws at me and make the best of it. another thing that “they” say is that everything in life happens for a reason… people change so that you can leave then behind easier. experiences build you up and break you down again to make you stronger. things fall apart so better things can come together. I think I need to have faith in that.

I’m sure if I do my bit the universe will somehow keep me happy :)

ACCEPTING CHANGE

 

 We may not love it, in fact we may not even like it, but sometimes, change can in fact be a good thing. Embracing that is crucial in order to live a happier more fulfilled life.

Mahatma Gandhi said that we should “be the change we want to see in the world,” but that is not the change I speak of here today. The type I’m referring to is when you’re walking along perfectly and content and life throws a curve ball your way. The type of change which in that moment can seemingly shatter your world, crush your dreams and expectations and drown you in a pool of sorrows. However, if you stop being an ostrich and take your head out of the ground at the first sign of trouble in your comfort zone, perhaps you will start to see that the apparently negative change could in fact bring about some positive opportunities. It’s all about how you see things.

In such situations, optimism is key. If one expects the worst to happen, chances are it will. We ourselves are our own anger, our own frustration, our own sadness and our own stress. We allow these feelings to take over us and make us feel down. If you let change bother you, undoubtedly it will. That’s just the way the world works. Be happy go luck! Embrace what comes your way. “When life gives you lemons… make lemonade.” Make the most of what you have, whatever the situation may be. Nothing in life is easy, after all, what fun would it be if it was. Don’t dwell on the negatives, look ahead at the positives.

For those who are afraid to move forward beyond a past that they were comfortable with here’s something to remember:

It’s important not to let the past hold you back but it’s also important to not get caught in the middle in a kind of inertia. Don’t resist change. Take every day at a time, facing new challenges head on. Remember Tom Hardy’s lines from Lawless, “It is not the violence that sets a man apart. It’s the distance he’s prepared to go.” Change may knock you down and out but what will make you stronger is not the blow that you take, but the fact that in the face of adversity you get up and rise again. Such is it with change, be it in your personal, professional or romantic life.

Here are a few reasons that change and learning to adapt can actually be good for you:

Change makes you flexible. Being stubborn and resistant to new things will make a normally stressing situation even more so. Change helps you be fluid and go with the flow. It trains you to better adapt for something not going according to plan or coming out of the blue and without warning. It strengthens your ability to cope with uncertain, fast-paced, situations.

Change makes you smarter. If things never changed, you’d never learn anything new. Every time you learn a new skill, even if it’s just how to adapt, you are that much smarter than you were yesterday. At work, change may come in the form of temporarily being given a different business role. Don’t stress about how you’re going to handle the pressure; instead welcome the opportunity to learn something new. Remember that if you do what you’ve always done you’ll get what you’ve always gotten. Where’s the fun in that?

Change reminds us that anything is possible. It’s easy to think that anything that’s stuck will always be that way (perhaps the career that won’t lift off the ground or the marriage that’s coasting on neutral). When you see things change though, whether it’s in your life or someone else’s, its encouragement to know that nothing stays the same forever. This can also sometimes be a reminder to us to make the most of each day that we have and spend time with the people we love, doing what makes us happy.

A Relaxing Weekend at Home

No, I’m not joking. Yes, it is possible. Don’t believe me? Read on to discover how you, mother, wife, daughter, working woman, can take some time this weekend to enjoy yourself, and all without leaving the comfort of your own home!

If you’re anything like me, that is to say, someone who works 9 to 5, five days a week, then perhaps, also like me, you enjoy spending the weekend at home, relaxing. Even if you’re a home-maker who spends her days organising the kids, ordering the servants around and overseeing the management of the house, the weekends are days looked forward to because everyone’s at home together. However, sometimes, this can get rather boring and drab, and you feel like you’ve done nothing but waste your time. The important thing, though, is that you do something worth your while, that leaves you feeling refreshed, energised, and not regret having spent hours of your day lying in bed, being lazy (though I have to admit, that feeling does have its perks!).

Let’s look at some fun things you can do, some alone, some with friends or family, to add some spice to your life, without tiring you out too much, and  best of all within the comforts of your own home.

Game Night:

Whether you’ve got young kids, older children, or none at all, games are generally something that will also bring out the child in you. If you’re just a husband and wife, perhaps call over some other couple-friends to join in the fun. To make sure it’s not taking too much of a toll on you, and you also get to enjoy yourself, keep it for after dinner and serve some coffee, drinks and place some snacks around the room. Keep it casual so that the mood stays relaxed and fun and don’t take the game to heart! Enjoy the company, adrenaline and friendly competition.

This also works within a family, with each person for himself or siblings, parents or a parent and child teaming up and playing against each other. Some family favourites are Monopoly, though this often ends in tears, Articulate, Taboo, Pictionary, Scrabble & Life. For the single girls, call some girlfriends over and do the same! This is a great opportunity to have some time together as a family (or as friends), bond, chit chat, and get to know each other better.

Cook-Off:

Before you go thinking that this is another competition I’m throwing into the mix, it’s not! Don’t literally cook-off; we want to keep your weekend stress-free! Get together with your children and indulge in easy cooking or baking. Give every member of the family a task, from laying the table, to dicing the chicken and stir frying the veggies. Let it all come together in a family meal and don’t forget to supervise little children in the kitchen!

Again, this brings people closer together, and if you’ve got kids, ensures that you’re not only spending quality time with them, but also teaching them a little something that will help them a long way. If you’re just husband and wife, make a romantic dinner out of it and divide the chores up so that no one person is in the kitchen on their own. If you’ve got help, you can leave them to do the dishes! If you’re not in the mood to break a bit of a sweat, too lazy, or generally not interested in cooking, order in and enjoys a nice meal with your loved ones. Remember, you want to have fun, so whether that’s in letting someone else cook for you, cooking for or with someone, or eating comfort food in your pjs is up to you!

Movie Night:

Who doesn’t love a great movie, pigging out on popcorn, lying horizontal on the sofa? You don’t need to dress up and go to a cinema to enjoy this experience… I personally love watching movies at home where I can pause, rewind, and re-watch scenes as many times as I want. If you’re on your own pick out something you fancy, a nice chick-flick like When Harry Met Sally, The Notebook, or Gone With the Wind; whatever you’re in the mood for. Bring along a sweet or savoury snack to munch on and choose a nice place where you won’t be bothered by traffic for a couple of hours! Oftentimes, on my own, my favourite place to watch a movie is in my bad with my laptop perched on my belly, earphones in, for a full-on cinematic experience.

Not one for watching movies on your own? Make a family movie night out of it. Set up the lounge with enough seating or space for the number of people, get that many bowls of popcorn, some pick ‘n’ mix and a drink each, dim down the lights, and voila! You’re ready to go. For a family movie night you want to pick something rated U which is appropriate for audiences of all ages and doesn’t result in any awkwardness if you’re watching with parents or children! When everything’s done make sure you have help tidying up and you’re not doing this alone.

Bed, Bath & Beyond:

For those who need some alone time to just recuperate and be alone with their thoughts, or still their mind this is a great routine. Spend some of your morning lying in; enjoy a cup of tea or two in your duvet before you make an appearance. If you’ve got a bath-tub, fill it up with warm water, bubbles, and some essential oils. Go a little further and light some scented candles, but careful to place them in such a way that they don’t pose a fire hazard. If possible, dim the lights, and submerge yourself beneath the soapy suds, eyes shut, relaxing your body and mind. For those who’re interested, this is also a great time to exfoliate the skin with a body brush or loofah!

When you decide to emerge, take your time pampering yourself. Take care of the little things you don’t get time to do during the week like polishing your face, putting on a masque or doing your nails. You can also spend the day catching up on your reading, making calls to family or friends and tidying up both yourself and perhaps your room!

Redecorate:

If you’re the creative type and you’re looking to find your zen why don’t you try to redecorate or even re-organise your world and clear you mind and space. Hang up a painting or poster you’ve been hiding under your bed, paint your wall a different colour or move your furniture around to spruce things up a little. You’ll be surprised to see how a slight change in the interior or just de-cluttering your surrounding can actually do wonders for your mood. Not only will you be at home but you’ll also be using your time productively and not necessarily alone. Inspire your family to clean out or change around their rooms too, or help each other and do one living area at a time.

While you’re at it, why not also go into the closets and indulge in a little spring cleaning? Throw out, or better yet, put aside for those less fortunate than yourselves, clothes you haven’t worn for a year, that don’t fit or fall as well, or have gone out of style. Reorganise your wardrobe so everything is neatly stacked, or hung, in some sort of order: colour, length, season and so on.

This exercise is sure to leave you a little tired, but feeling reawakened mentally. A certain calm comes over me whenever I tidy up my room, or even desk. I feel like I can think more clearly and rest easier. Once you’re done, sit back and enjoy a cup of tea in your newly cleared out crib!

Caged Tiger

I feel like a tiger, caged. Even though I am surrounded by comforts and beauty I know that it’s all artificial. i feel love from onlookers but it does little to warm my heart. people look at me and marvel as they see majesty and pride but when I catch my reflection in the water I see only slouched shoulders and protruding ribs. I pace my cage, feeling numb, each stride making me more aware of the empty void eating me up from within and I roar to show my pain but I am punished even for that. They clap and I swiftly move my paw across the way but they mistake that too for aggression forgetting that I am a wild cat, this is who I am, this is instinct. the bold lines that decorate my fur have faded in my memories. I am no longer what I used to be; I am merely a ghost of my existence.

Stuck in the past

These days I seem to be surrounded by people that are stuck in the past. For whatever reason they can’t seem to move forward and live freely. Whether it’s an ex-lover, a relationship that went south or even a relationship that never materialised; some people are stuck on historical or political events that unfolded a gazillion years ago. What binds these people together is that they’re all crying over spilt milk, harping on about something that has no bearing on today and in doing so are essentially held in a constant state of inertia.

What I wonder is… why? Why is it so hard for them to to come out of this situation and why do they keep reverting to it every so often? Whether it’s a state of religiousness, or mourning someone that passed away an eternity ago, or mourning a relationship that didn’t go your way I don’t think any good comes of this. Life is something we ought to celebrate, even when things don’t go our way. We need to learn the lessons and keep on putting one foot in front of the other. Sure not everything is ideal and not everything turns out as it should, but it’s important to take the positive, disregard the negative (but understand what went wrong and why) and build on that.

Bad things happen. Sometimes they happen to good people. Sometimes tragedies befall good families. Sometimes the individual deserved it. However, if we let ourselves be held back by events of the past we’re losing out on life. The deceased person or relationship ran it’s course and for whatever reason things didn’t work out. Now’s time to grab life by the collar, and go get what you want.

More on this later. For now people really need to stop dwelling on what has happened and start shaping the future. Otherwise… how are we ever going to progress as a people? as a nation? as individuals? Stop idolising the past and building monuments to things that no longer exist… focus on what’s in front of you, the rest of your life, still waiting to be lived out. Do something worthwhile instead of grieving for what’s gone.