Quotes of the Day!

8 days! 8 days! 8 days till I leave this heat behind :D 9 days till I land in DC and let the fun begin! woo!

Quotes of the Day!

I know I’ve been mia for a while. I keep doing that, don’t I? :/ Been a little busy, caught up with work and vacation planning and running the home/house. Being a grown up is hard stuff yo! Anywayyyy, today friendships are on my mind. I had a friend who I was quite close to. We talked a lot. We shared secrets. We spent a lot of time together. We were in school together, in different grades, but still we played sports together and hung out every now and then even though we both had different friends. A couple of years ago things got weird and now we barely ever talk. Every time I try I’m shot down and it really hurts because we were inseparable. The worst part was, she was my best friend but she was also family; my cousin. And now we only ever meet at family gatherings, and every time I’m reminded how much I miss her companionship and how much fun we had because it’s always just as good. And then just like that she disappears again from my life.

Quotes of the Day!

“Life has no meaning. Each of us has meaning and we bring it to life. It is a waste to be asking the question when you are the answer,” said Joseph Campbell. Interesting, and thought provoking, isn’t it? I’ve been soul searching and confused and maybe it’s just the full moon, but something in my head (and heart) seems not quite right. I’m agitated and anxious. I feel overwhelmed. I feel like I’ve bitten off more than I can chew and I kind of just want to go hide somewhere under a rock. Or not get out of bed. But I do, every day. This is just a random feeling that’s come yesterday or day before. I feel like sometimes not only do people take me for granted, but they also take advantage of my kindness and the nice things I do and then have expectations of me. So when I’m just being nice because I feel like, they expect me to go one step further and expect me to be NICER than that and do even more.

I sometimes feel like I’m losing myself, the essence of who I am, or was. I didn’t stand up for who I was, or the things I wanted or didn’t want. I let people I cared for trample all over my dreams and wants. Now they’re happy, and I pretend to be, till suddenly, the curtain lifts sometimes, and I see that maybe I’m not. When things fall apart, and I remember all the ways I’ve been wronged. Or have wronged myself. How I let other people dictate my life. How I gave in for stupid reasons. It makes me hate myself. Hoping this is just the moon talking and that once I land in the US (30 days away!!) all this unnecessary stress and anxiety will melt away. Rawr.

“Anxiety is love’s greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic.” And that quote is reason enough for me to want to change and stop being such a stressball all the time. No one will love me, I’ll drive everyone away, and I’ll be left to fend for myself.

Enjoy the quotes, and happy Wednesday! :)

Quotes of the Day!

Why do marriages (or relationships) fail? Why do some succeed? I’m not talking about lingering on, and just kind of being there because you don’t have a choice. Why do we make a conscious decision every day to stay with the person we chose as ‘the one’? Why do we love them so much that we can’t let go or imagine a life without them? Is it just a force of habit? Something or someone rather that we’ve grown accustomed to? A companionship that we enjoy most of the time? Who can say. Who knows… But then, what makes it easy to get out? When compromise is all you’ve got and it feels like you’re giving up too much of yourself just to be with or please another. When it starts to feel unfair that people can only change plans when it suits them, when most thing are ‘my way or the highway’. It’s hard to stay committed to something, or even want to work out the kinks when you feel like you are not being heard or given equal respect in the relationship. When your needs and wants are secondary. Unfortunately, I think most marriages and relationships can (and do) go through this on multiple occasions, but then sometimes, they work it out and fix the issues, addressing the problems and changing their behaviour in order to make it work. Then again, sometimes it just means one person is getting walked all over and is too ‘used to’ the relationship to walk out. Once in a relationship it’s easy to feel like you got the short end of the stick, especially if you did, but the earlier on you decide to get out, and find the courage to walk away, the better. No one deserves to be treated less than equal! Your needs and wants are as important as his/hers. Things we agree to when we want to be with someone are very different from what you’re actually ok with once you’re in your fantasy relationship. It’s never the same. That thing that you thought was a non-issue suddenly becomes all you can think about and it drives you crazy and you wonder what on earth made you agree to do something like that. Soooo… think before you commit. For reals! When done right it’s the most wonderful thing – though I won’t lie, there are some rough days… you just gotta work through ’em. Have a happy wednesday!

Quotes of the Day!

Today I’ve been thinking of friends and friendship and how good life is knowing you have a handful of special people in your life who you can count on and depend on to put a smile on your face when you’re feeling down. Since we graduated from university, got jobs and started living the grown up lives that we’ve chosen, hanging out or even long talks on the phone are few and far between. We’re scattered all over the planet with varying time zones and schedules keeping us uber busy. I miss school. It was nice to know your friends were around, if not in your class then at least you’d see them during breaks or assembly or home time. Was nice to have someone to share the wretched experience with. They were there to cheer you on when you played sports, they were there to drop you home when you didn’t have a ride and they were there to share their lunch when you forgot yours.

Quotes of the Day!

I lost who I was yesterday. I put what someone else wanted ahead of what I wanted. I got called a weirdo, but not in a good, affectionate way – because trust me, there’s people who love me FOR my weirdness – and I know I’m a weirdo, I don’t mind being weird, or different, I enjoy it, I take pride in it, but when someone calls you a weirdo as an insult, to make you feel stupid like you’re different because you’re broken or not ‘right’ it sometimes hurts. But oh well. I can pick myself back up just as easily and, maybe it comes with the territory, but when one’s personality is as strong as mine, and i know who i am and try so hard to be true to that, i’m used to getting beat up emotionally for it. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger right? Well, that’s what inspired todays quotes. I’m angry at myself for not standing up for what I wanted, and for letting someone else’s opinion dictate my choices and my happiness. Because I let go of what I wanted I ended up having a crap day – so I guess I only have myself to blame.

Quotes of the Day!

I don’t know what has changed recently. I’ve become so super busy that I can barely find time to do the things I used to do previously to fill up my seemingly empty days! Not only am I working full-time-ish now, but I’m also freelancing (kinda) as an editor. It’s freelance, cos I do it on my own time, but there’s work to be done daily, weekly, monthly – as with any publication, it’s gotta go to print on time with a certain number of articles! Then there’s life… once I go home, I have three very playful and excitable cats to feed, entertain and clean up after. I usually walk in to things that are supposed to be decorating table tops on the floor, garbage here and there, and recently they’ve learnt how to open the fridge! If that’s not enough, occasionally the rancid smell of kitty litter penetrates my olfactory senses so strongly that the first thing I need to do is change it! Post that drama, there’s mr mine who wants love and cuddles on his return, and then dinner, family time, a little couch time, and a couple of rounds of badminton and table tennis. Before you know it it’s 11.30 and time to get into bed, but not before making some lunch to take to work the next day, and sort out clothes etc. Hectic, isn’t it? Well, I took some time out to share this with ya’ll :) enjoy!

Quotes of the Day!

The M Word

So… marriage! The word that scared me for so long has finally become a part of me, my life, who I am. Sometimes, as I sit alone with my thoughts, even THAT notion scares me. A contract between two individuals to be together FORFREAKINGEVER. Mostly the thought of that makes me go, “aaw…” but on other occasions, it scares the bejeezus out of me. You don’t only marry the person, at least in the desi culture. You marry their family. And when you’re the girl – you give up almost everything to be with this person. You leave your family, move out, come and live with his, and essentially follow the rules of their house. From one to the next. And for most, it’s their way or the highway. Luckily, mine isn’t all that bad. It’s not bad at all in fact. It’s just scary. Especially today.

For three months I’ve tried to adjust to a lifestyle, a family, a way of doing things and going about days and nights different to what I’ve been doing for twenty six years of my life. I’ve made an effort to fulfill expectations and get points but somehow it never seems like enough. That comfort one has in their own home, with their own family – being able to lounge in pyjamas or say “no, I don’t want to” or spend all day in bed – just doesn’t come so easy. Perhaps I overthink? Perhaps I care too much? I can’t really say. All I can say is that it makes my stomach hurt.

Don’t get me wrong. I love the guy and am happy to be married to him. It’s just this concept – marriage – that sends shivers down my spine. The longer I think about it, the more I shudder. Perhaps, it’s better to just be friends – perhaps with benefits! However, again, this side of the world where women are frowned upon for showing too much skin, a male-female relationship, must never, officially anyway, be anything more than plutonic. Even if you’re dating, you mustn’t admit it – unless you’re so committed that you’re engaged and can be introduced as each others’ fiances! It’s a strange world I live in.

Then again, perhaps an arranged marriage is easier than a love marriage? I guess they both have their pros and cons. After all, you can fall in love with someone you’re introduced to too, right? When I say arranged, I don’t mean forced… or arranged without any interaction or approval from either party. The new “arranged” is being introduced to someone by the family. The pros here are that each family has met each other, done their background research and has found the families to be like-minded enough to introduce their kids to each other. Going into this family, one feels perhaps that they’d be more comfortable as they’ve been found to be more like “us” (the girls family), they have similar family values, morals, ways of doing things and expectations would be fulfilled as far as the typical cultural/societal things go. For example, each party would respect the other’s family and make an effort to make them feel important. In a love marriage, where you’re so blinded by the hormonal imbalance in your body, and you decide that you do in fact want to spend forever (then seemingly such a romantic thing) with this person, you’re often blessed with affection, open communication and comfort with your spouse. However, the family is a whole other ball-game. And what if he doesn’t stand up for you? What if his expectations of you (which is what you based your decision of signing your life off to someone) are different from his family’s expectations of you? What if this is not what you signed up for? What if he is no longer what he initially purported to be?

The truth is they change. I guess we all do. Once the wooing stage is over, she said yes, he agreed to marry her, all things romantic go out the window. Real life kicks in and it’s no longer about wanting to spend time together, or going an extra mile to please her family, or attributing importance to something you find stupid but is a priority for him.

So you see, it’s a gamble either way. And I take “forever” and “till death do us part” very seriously. So till my dying day – be it of a sudden aneurysm, a car crash, a long battled illness or a mere fall from the top of my stairs, I will invest time and energy into the M. Pun intended. I just hope and pray that it pays off, and on the day I leave this earth I’m thinking “I wish I had more time with him” rather than “thank the Lord it’s over!”

two sides to the story

“did he leave her then?” a guy asks about a perfectly content young couple. why would he assume that the guy left the girl? especially when she was, at least on the surface of it, a pretty fine catch! she was caring and loving, kind and generous and did whatever she could to please her man. even when he was difficult or down she made one hell of an effort to pick him up. don’t get me wrong – she had her flaws too – but their problems and issues were theirs alone. they didn’t involve the whole world in them and so for one guy to assume that another was the one calling the shots enraged the feminist in me.

perhaps it was she who dumped his sorry ass? maybe he was lazy and unambitious. maybe the work she was required to put into the relationship jut wasn’t worth it. maybe he was cruel and emotionally abusive? or is it possible that the two of them decided mutually to call it quits? maybe they realised that they were too different or that there wasn’t enough payback for the efforts that they were putting into the relationship or even perhaps they were both tired of bringing out the worst in each other. the bottom line is that there’s two sides to every story – and then there is the truth. who are we to judge why a relationship crumbles or whose fault it may be or even who left who?