Life is the most awesome yet most mind boggling this ever. In one moment I go through so many feelings – some good, some bad. There is immense pressure to deliver at work, and then in your social circle, and then at home – with family and loved ones. Everywhere you go there’s expectations and sometimes they’re overwhelming. Life is awesome, but life is also hard. Sometimes, I find, that getting lost in happy thoughts, and quotes like these, makes the hard days easier to get through!
Sometimes I feel like I’m not made for this world. As C. S. Lewis said, “If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world…” Nothing could sum my feelings up more perfectly today. I’m not generally a family person. Hell, I’m not a people person. I’m an introvert of the highest order. I like my space and time to be my own. I don’t like to share them with (m)any people. Only m. And the cats. I was feeling a little stifled at home and ever so slightly claustrophobic. So I went on a little trip home to see the family. Generally by day 2 or 3 I’m ready to go back, but this time, it was different. I didn’t want to come back. Since I’ve returned I’ve been blah, like something is missing. I can’t quite put a finger on what it is, but I know that something has changed.
Hello world! I’ve been in state of bleurgh for the past month or so… after the nostalgia from the vacation wore off somewhat I got kinda sick and was in feverish delirium and super fatigued. But I’m back. Or trying to be! The internet is sucky these days so it doesn’t let me upload pictures and takes ages for things to load… grr! IÂ distract myself with work and other things. I’m thinking of starting up some stuff to keep myself busy. Maybe a website to sell through or something. Growing up is hard. Life is mad. People change. Expectations change. WE change. What we want changes and what we think we could handle or put up with changes too. But alas, we all have to do it…
Still a little dazed and missing the carefree days I’ve left behind, but trying to get back on track with the worldly routine that is my life! The pace doesn’t slow for a second and you just kind of have to hit the ground running… helps you adjust, I guess, but it’s exhausting! Have some random quotes…
Guess who’s back! Yep, me! :D I had a blast and a half in the States. SUCH an amazing vacation; I feel so blessed to have been able to get that time off and away and afford what we did. It started in DC as we sat at the national mall watching the fireworks, moved to Charlottesville for two days and then back to DC for a couple of days of walking around, visiting the Smithsonian museums and chilling in Georgetown. Was great to catch up with mine and talk and romance and steal little kisses here and there. PDA is so lost in a third-world country like my own! We then went to NYC for one night only to go clubbing at Cielo in the meat-packing district. I’d forgotten how much fun that could be – and also how expensive!! With aching feet and a woozy head we drove to Jim Thorpe and spent a day at Pocono Whitewater where we indulged in a “Big Adventure Day” – some 25 miles of biking, 2 miles of hiking and 8 miles of rafting. Amazing! I felt so alive and so impressed with my stamina!! Having checked that off our list of things to do, adventure, we went back to the Big Apple to absorb some more of the sights and sounds. DC & NYC are things I’ve done many times before but wanted to share them with M. He’d lived in DC and wanted to revisit with me. It was nice and somewhat intimate as I took him around NYC and saw his eyes fill with wonder at the big flashing lights in Times Square, a stone’s throw from our hotel. Two days in the city and we were ready to make our way to Orlando, again M had visited as a child, but Disney has been on my bucket list since I was 5. I’m so glad he was there when I finally did it! In six days we swam with dolphins, snorkelled, went to Seaworld and their water park, Aquatica, went to Universal Studios & Islands of Adventure and of course visited all the four Disney World parks x) BEST TIME OF MY LIFE! We ended by heading back up to the Poconos to attend my cousin’s wedding where I was a bridesmaid (also something I always wanted to be!)
I’m so grateful to M for taking me and showing me such a good time! I’ve never been happier!
Check out some pictures!
“Life has no meaning. Each of us has meaning and we bring it to life. It is a waste to be asking the question when you are the answer,” said Joseph Campbell. Interesting, and thought provoking, isn’t it? I’ve been soul searching and confused and maybe it’s just the full moon, but something in my head (and heart) seems not quite right. I’m agitated and anxious. I feel overwhelmed. I feel like I’ve bitten off more than I can chew and I kind of just want to go hide somewhere under a rock. Or not get out of bed. But I do, every day. This is just a random feeling that’s come yesterday or day before. I feel like sometimes not only do people take me for granted, but they also take advantage of my kindness and the nice things I do and then have expectations of me. So when I’m just being nice because I feel like, they expect me to go one step further and expect me to be NICER than that and do even more.
I sometimes feel like I’m losing myself, the essence of who I am, or was. I didn’t stand up for who I was, or the things I wanted or didn’t want. I let people I cared for trample all over my dreams and wants. Now they’re happy, and I pretend to be, till suddenly, the curtain lifts sometimes, and I see that maybe I’m not. When things fall apart, and I remember all the ways I’ve been wronged. Or have wronged myself. How I let other people dictate my life. How I gave in for stupid reasons. It makes me hate myself. Hoping this is just the moon talking and that once I land in the USÂ (30 days away!!) all this unnecessary stress and anxiety will melt away. Rawr.
“Anxiety is love’s greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic.” And that quote is reason enough for me to want to change and stop being such a stressball all the time. No one will love me, I’ll drive everyone away, and I’ll be left to fend for myself.
Enjoy the quotes, and happy Wednesday! :)
Good morning world! :) How nice to wake up to a Friday… meaning, lazy lie in tomorrow and weekend partying tonight! wooo! I love weekends, haha, who doesn’t? Still a little under the weather. Went to the ENT doc yday, who I think is a bit of a Quack because he didn’t really get what I was saying and kept talking down to me. Grr! Anywho, he says my ears are all clear, as is my throat, but that I have swollen lymphnodes :/ He said he was quite sure it was not the brain eating amoeba though… but didn’t sound so convincing! Rawr! Let’s seeeee if I make it :/
Meanwhile, happy weekend! And if any doctors are reading this, please drop me a line on what may be wrong ;) a free second opinion (and act of kindness) never hurt anyone :P
These quotes are in lieu of the terrible things that are happening these days, we all have to care enough to change things; the way we see people – each other. Unfortunately, there’s a lot of educated, well-to-do people amongst us (and it’s scary cos it’s hard to tell who they are) who have some very narrow minds and shallow ideas about the rest of humanity (or anyone who varies the slightest bit from them or deviates in their thoughts & ideas). Everyone thinks they’re right – fair enough – but at least be tolerant of other ideas or beliefs. Why can’t we be peace-loving and stand united with each other regardless of religion, caste, creed, ethnicity, background? Why must we label everyone and find differences rather than similarities like we’re each made of the same damn thing… stardust! (and if you don’t buy that theory, at the very least we’re all made by the same God, right? Of flesh and blood.) My soul is tired of all this bloodshed and hate and all I have is my words…
I can’t understand what is wrong with people. Seriously… why are we so adamant on pushing OUR ways onto others? It’s happening the world over. Where people who don’t fit into our idea of ‘right’ or are different from us are automatically inferior and we make their lives hell. In some instances we’re killing them for just being who they are. How is this okay? How is it acceptable? Especially those who are doing it in the name of religion. Don’t they feel like they have a higher power to answer to? How can they play God? How do they sleep at night?? Why aren’t they as distressed as I am?! Then there’s the ones that kind of care but, maybe like me, get so distraught by these things that they feel it’s better to ignore or not feel. We’re so desensitised because hearing about people being mistreated or killed or blown up is a daily occurence and unfortunately, nothing out of the ordinary. It breaks my heart. Today it doesn’t affect us, but what if someday, God forbid, it does? If we don’t stand up for those that are oppressed, or those that are mistreated, if it ever happens to us, there won’t be anyone left to protect us and defend us…
It’s a sad day. The second devastating earthquake in Nepal ‘shook’ me up yesterday – not literally, thank God – and then this morning gunmen shot and killed a number of Ismaili Muslims in Karachi for God alone knows what reason. I don’t much feel like rambling about humdrum right now because all that comes out is anger. And here I was thinking that we’re all the same, all comprised of the very same stardust….
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