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Tag Archives: marriage
Quotes of the Day!
Why do marriages (or relationships) fail? Why do some succeed? I’m not talking about lingering on, and just kind of being there because you don’t have a choice. Why do we make a conscious decision every day to stay with the person we chose as ‘the one’? Why do we love them so much that we can’t let go or imagine a life without them? Is it just a force of habit? Something or someone rather that we’ve grown accustomed to? A companionship that we enjoy most of the time? Who can say. Who knows… But then, what makes it easy to get out? When compromise is all you’ve got and it feels like you’re giving up too much of yourself just to be with or please another. When it starts to feel unfair that people can only change plans when it suits them, when most thing are ‘my way or the highway’. It’s hard to stay committed to something, or even want to work out the kinks when you feel like you are not being heard or given equal respect in the relationship. When your needs and wants are secondary. Unfortunately, I think most marriages and relationships can (and do) go through this on multiple occasions, but then sometimes, they work it out and fix the issues, addressing the problems and changing their behaviour in order to make it work. Then again, sometimes it just means one person is getting walked all over and is too ‘used to’ the relationship to walk out. Once in a relationship it’s easy to feel like you got the short end of the stick, especially if you did, but the earlier on you decide to get out, and find the courage to walk away, the better. No one deserves to be treated less than equal! Your needs and wants are as important as his/hers. Things we agree to when we want to be with someone are very different from what you’re actually ok with once you’re in your fantasy relationship. It’s never the same. That thing that you thought was a non-issue suddenly becomes all you can think about and it drives you crazy and you wonder what on earth made you agree to do something like that. Soooo… think before you commit. For reals! When done right it’s the most wonderful thing – though I won’t lie, there are some rough days… you just gotta work through ’em. Have a happy wednesday!
Quotes of the Day!
Having one of those weird ass days where it’s hard just to be alive. Where I’m almost wishing for a truck to topple over my ride to work so that I don’t have to face my life anymore. It’s silly I know. As I blink back tears and will myself to be strong, I stumbled upon these quotes I thought I’d share. Life can suck so much of the time. It must be nice to have people who help you piece it back together when it falls apart. Who can help you see that you’re on the right path and made the right decisions. Those who lend you their strength, give you a hug, wipe away your tears as they stream down your tired face. Perhaps there’s something I’m to learn from this. Nothing lasts forever right?
Wifey
So I’ve been mia again, I know. It all started with a buying trip I needed to go on for work. Even though it was only 3 days in Dubai, it somehow threw me off track and my blogging discipline went out the window! I’ve been meaning to come back to it, but what with having a job and being a WIFE (nopes, it still hasn’t REALLY hit me) things sometimes get busier than busy.
My day starts early, at around 7.20am when my alarm goes off, ten minutes before the snoring hubby wakes up. I quickly make us both a cuppa so when his alarm goes off there’s a perfectly brewed tea awaiting him on his bedside table. Why? I don’t know. It makes me happy… Honestly, I never ever ever though I’d ever give up my precious sleep for anyone – but I guess that’s love? It makes you more selfless? Who knows… Anywho… we then wake up and have some conversation, talk about our dreams, be lazy, cute and cuddly and then it’s time for him to get into his banking gear and head out to work. Soon as he jumps out the bed I roll over to his side and promptly fall back asleep. That’s usually 8am. I snooze till 9-9.30am and then make myself another cuppa tea and put on my laptop. Yep! I have the privilege of working from home (wfh).
Once I’m showered, ready, tea’d up and have taken care of the first round of business it’s nearly noon. I don’t do breakfast, and if it’s a wfh day I’m usually tidying up the rooms, supervising the cleaning lady or generally being a home-maker (in between work of course!). When I’m at work though, I usually leave at around 10.30 and am back by 4 or 5. I work till 6.30 on any day, breaking for lunch and manage the groceries etc. somewhere in the middle. M thinks there’s elves living around here somewhere, tidying up after him and what not…!
Three days a week I also prepare (or supervise the cook) meals for dinner. So you can imagine how absolutely knackered I am by 8pm, after dinner. Honestly, all I want to do, is curl up in bed with mine and indulge in something fun and/or lighthearted. When I’m feeling slightly more energetic I want to go out and party. This can be anything from walking around the mall and getting random tidbits, or having mcdonald’s hot chocolate and fries by the beach, or some sheesha and green tea. Sometimes we’re found entangled on the sofa watching a movie (once his turn, once my turn).
In this topsy turvy life, I crave weekends. Lazy mornings, long showers, lots of us-time, conversations and general loveliness of sorts.
Sometimes it feels hard to be a wife. Responsibilities changed overnight. A whole other person to look after. A new way of life. Most days though, it’s the most wonderful thing in the world… cos finally, I have someone who is mine. Someone to look after me. Someone to whine to (though that’s not always appreciated). Someone to have random conversations with in the middle of the night. Someone who will take me out at random hours because “i want to”.
I’m so blessed to be married to my bestest friend in the whole world. My favourite person. Mine.
The M Word
So… marriage! The word that scared me for so long has finally become a part of me, my life, who I am. Sometimes, as I sit alone with my thoughts, even THAT notion scares me. A contract between two individuals to be together FORFREAKINGEVER. Mostly the thought of that makes me go, “aaw…” but on other occasions, it scares the bejeezus out of me. You don’t only marry the person, at least in the desi culture. You marry their family. And when you’re the girl – you give up almost everything to be with this person. You leave your family, move out, come and live with his, and essentially follow the rules of their house. From one to the next. And for most, it’s their way or the highway. Luckily, mine isn’t all that bad. It’s not bad at all in fact. It’s just scary. Especially today.
For three months I’ve tried to adjust to a lifestyle, a family, a way of doing things and going about days and nights different to what I’ve been doing for twenty six years of my life. I’ve made an effort to fulfill expectations and get points but somehow it never seems like enough. That comfort one has in their own home, with their own family – being able to lounge in pyjamas or say “no, I don’t want to” or spend all day in bed – just doesn’t come so easy. Perhaps I overthink? Perhaps I care too much? I can’t really say. All I can say is that it makes my stomach hurt.
Don’t get me wrong. I love the guy and am happy to be married to him. It’s just this concept – marriage – that sends shivers down my spine. The longer I think about it, the more I shudder. Perhaps, it’s better to just be friends – perhaps with benefits! However, again, this side of the world where women are frowned upon for showing too much skin, a male-female relationship, must never, officially anyway, be anything more than plutonic. Even if you’re dating, you mustn’t admit it – unless you’re so committed that you’re engaged and can be introduced as each others’ fiances! It’s a strange world I live in.
Then again, perhaps an arranged marriage is easier than a love marriage? I guess they both have their pros and cons. After all, you can fall in love with someone you’re introduced to too, right? When I say arranged, I don’t mean forced… or arranged without any interaction or approval from either party. The new “arranged” is being introduced to someone by the family. The pros here are that each family has met each other, done their background research and has found the families to be like-minded enough to introduce their kids to each other. Going into this family, one feels perhaps that they’d be more comfortable as they’ve been found to be more like “us” (the girls family), they have similar family values, morals, ways of doing things and expectations would be fulfilled as far as the typical cultural/societal things go. For example, each party would respect the other’s family and make an effort to make them feel important. In a love marriage, where you’re so blinded by the hormonal imbalance in your body, and you decide that you do in fact want to spend forever (then seemingly such a romantic thing) with this person, you’re often blessed with affection, open communication and comfort with your spouse. However, the family is a whole other ball-game. And what if he doesn’t stand up for you? What if his expectations of you (which is what you based your decision of signing your life off to someone) are different from his family’s expectations of you? What if this is not what you signed up for? What if he is no longer what he initially purported to be?
The truth is they change. I guess we all do. Once the wooing stage is over, she said yes, he agreed to marry her, all things romantic go out the window. Real life kicks in and it’s no longer about wanting to spend time together, or going an extra mile to please her family, or attributing importance to something you find stupid but is a priority for him.
So you see, it’s a gamble either way. And I take “forever” and “till death do us part” very seriously. So till my dying day – be it of a sudden aneurysm, a car crash, a long battled illness or a mere fall from the top of my stairs, I will invest time and energy into the M. Pun intended. I just hope and pray that it pays off, and on the day I leave this earth I’m thinking “I wish I had more time with him” rather than “thank the Lord it’s over!”
Andddd she’s back!
So it’s been just under a hundred days since I last blogged. Fear not, I’m still alive! I’ve just had some major life changes going on. Amazing ones at that! I went from being a miss to missus – married the love of my life. Now forever mine :) The wedding, as it creeped closer, was only adding to my stress & nausea. Preparations, families, events, coordinating, communication (and miscommunication) had everyone involved in a perpetual state of frustration and stressed-outedness! However, as the big day(s) grew closer (a desi wedding consists of a whole week of celebrations!) a certain air of nonchalance almost started to make its way into my days. I didn’t care how many dances there were and whether or not people bungled up the steps, I didn’t care who could or couldn’t make it, the colours and arrangements of the flowers no longer took my fancy, my clothes were still important, but most important were me and him. The fact that in mere moments we would be husband and wife made butterflies explode in my stomach and my heart sing! I couldn’t wait.
So that happened. In a colourful array of celebration after celebration mine & i were united as one. We frolicked in our togetherness, went on a fabulous honeymoon and then suddenly, back to life. Setting up a new place, giving it those homey touches that make it mine (and yours and ours), looking for work (having moved cities) but all went swell and now i’m a working wifey woman! :) Never have I been so happy. HE makes me so happy. The fact that everyday I wake up to a cuddle bug who tells me how much he loves me makes me smile. I miss him the moment he leaves from home and can’t wait for his return. I miss him throughout the day – perhaps more than I did when we were just dating. I hope this feeling never fades. I hope the happiness lasts forever.
We’re both still surprised every now and then that we’re married. We can’t believe we made it. We can’t believe how lucky we are to be together; with our true loves, soulmates. That’s all I’ve got to share with you for now. I’ll be back to posting (daily) quotes – though it may be a while before I get into routine.
Have a wonderful week :) stay blessed!
The feminist in me…
In today’s day and age a woman must really love a man if she decides to marry him. In a time where we women have an equal standing in most industries to men and can make just as much money as them, and simultaneously run a house, look after the kids without cribbing about being overworked – do we NEED a man? I think not. Instead, we choose to be with them. Men though, it seems, NEED a woman. They want a mother or a wife to look after them and they can’t wrap their heads around not being treated like a king. Gone are the days when men WERE kings – even so is a stay-at-home mom not earning her keep by raising your offspring, ensuring you come home to a well-kept house and a hot meal on the table? Does the fact that men spend 8hrs a day working entitle them to demand special attention when they’re at home? Regardless of the fact that woman hasn’t exactly been chilling… I guess part of it has to do with the fact that generations of women before us have spoilt men and bore boys who have grown up with their mothers and sisters treating their fathers (and often them) – especially in my culture – like something more than mere mortals. Its understandable when a woman pampers her man out of love and because she wants to… but for a man to expect it, as if she is some sort of maid – is, today, unreasonable. There is absolutely no enjoyment in doing something as a chore – and love… that needs to be earned.
Met the Parents!
So in hindsight – after my first post – “meeting the parents” (and after having actually been through it) – I’ve come to realise no matter how much you plan you can’t really direct how the meeting is going to go. The dos and don’ts are good to go over, but since it’s a first time affair you’re not sure exactly what kind of people they are. What are topics you should steer clear of? Politics and religion I’d say – cos you don’t know what their stance is on those subjects and things can get personal. It’s also best not to argue too much to get your point across, after all, this is the first time you’re meeting them.
Another thing to perhaps keep in mind is how to involve everyone in the conversation. Make sure you’re talking to each other as well so that the family can see why you’re so great together. THAT is the main reason you want to be together right? So make sure your chemistry is visible, let the love come across. No need to get handsy and be staring into each others eyes or being flirtatious! Just being yourselves is probably plenty!
If the hosts have gone through the trouble of painstakingly setting out some goodies and tea for you, DO let them know you appreciate their effort by eating (at least a little bit) and thanking them for going to such lengths! I think I’ll keep adding to this as I go along and find out more…!
Whatever you do… don’t do this!
Meeting the Parents!
So boy meets girl. They do that hot and cold dance, they playfully sail along the flirtatious phase and before you know it they’re madly in love and seriously considering monogamy. Unfortunately it’s not so simple, for a lot of boys who meet girls to just slip a ring on a finger, mutter a few sincere words and tie the knot. Nopes! They must jump through hoop after hoop till not only the girl, but her family, friends, and loved ones are just slightly convinced that he is suitable, if not perfect, for their little girl. So what must boy know when he’s getting ready to meet the parents? And the family?
Let’s think Dos and Don’ts!
Do…
Be confident!
Bring something
Be punctual
Practice your table manners (if invited for a meal)
Be polite
Be interesting & interested
Be on your best behaviour
Dress well
Offer to help out if you see others doing things
Keep conversations pg
Compliment, but not excessively (once or twice should be enough)
Thank them for taking the time out and having you over
Don’t…
Get too handsy!
Be too aggressive
Come empty handed
Crack offensive jokes
Stuff your face (if invited for a meal)
Bitch your family out
Dress too casually
Do anything TOO crazy
Be too familiar/comfortable
Bring booze
Act like you know more than you do
Forget to have fun!
Where I gathered some of this wisdom from…
An interesting and funny article: http://buquad.com/2010/01/25/meeting-the-parents-dos-and-dont-for-the-collegiate-significant-other/
And another one: http://www.29secrets.com/sections/relationships/dos-and-donts-meeting-parents
I wonder if girls get more nervous than the guys… ! All these (above) articles are written by girls!
sher's other blog... 